10 Things To Know Before Dating a Cyclist

My husband shaves his legs.  I'd be willing to bet that on most days, his legs are better cared-for than mine.  I'm totally cool with that.

On the day we met, I happened to mention my interest in triathlons.  I'm pretty sure that was all it took to hook the guy.  Who knew?

I had no qualms about the hours he devoted to his training, because I owned a horse so I was going to be pretty busy, myself.

Though I anticipated things like long rides and being shown-up in the leg department, there were a few things I didn't realize before we got serious.

Here are the top ten things to know before dating a cyclist...

1.  Your weekends are probably already planned.  Whether your partner is a roadie, a cross rider, a fixie, track cyclist, gravel dog, or a mountain biker--you can bet they have big plans.  Even the most devoted couch-potato will think nothing of dropping the remote for some chamois time.  There might be charity rides or competitions.  In the interest of togetherness, you might find yourself recruited to volunteer.  For casual group slogs or small club rides you might be tapped to tag along as a sort of SAG or broom wagon.  Your reward?  FOOD.  Cycling takes a lot of energy and you can be sure that and empty tank will be refilled.

Resting after a three-day charity ride.  Safety patrol.  Look at those legs--smooth as a baby's bottom.

2.  Your pantry will get weird.  From flirtations with protein powders to performance gels, goos, and bars to every drink mix made for athletes, you'll find they begin to arrive, one by one, and take up all the extra space in your kitchen.  Four pound jugs of drink powder for long rides?  You're going to have two of those on top of your fridge until Armageddon.

3.  The bikes will mysteriously multiply.

Aw, his and hers' bikes...nah, both his.  You're gonna need a Cross bike, obviously.

I believe the equation to be n+1 = the number of bikes at any given time.  They will start with whatever bike is a good all-arounder.  Then they will want to upgrade frames or components, eventually convincing you it makes more sense to just buy the complete bike they "happened to find" on a website.  Then they will reconnect with a buddy who rides but prefers to stick to mountain trails.  Aren't you always saying they should spend quality time with friends?  The old MTB isn't going to cut it... and did you happen to see this great price on last-year's model?  Ugh, the dreadmill and indoor trainer sessions are boring.  Why not ride all year?  Have you heard about fat bikes?  And on, and on, and on.

4.  They will get hurt.  Eventually.

"Don't worry, the bike is fine."

This could be a bit of road rash.  This could be a broken bone.  If you want to recoil in horror, realize it's not much different from other activities.  If your partner is like mine, the first thing they will let you know on the phone is the condition of their bike.  I can't say anything because horseback riding is one of the most dangerous sports out there, and that was my jam for most of my life.

BOTH ears forward, Ginger.  Pretend you like me.

Many things that are engaging and sporty also carry risk.  You skied in college, remember?  Played a season of adult kickball?  You were the catcher on a rec league softball team with no equipment...or was that just me?  Stock up that first aid kit and make them wear a helmet.  Or put on your own helmet and join them!  Life is meant to be lived.

Who needs safety gear?  You do.

5.  The gear is not cheap.  The aforementioned helmet is a necessity and could set one back a couple hundred smackers, depending on brand loyalty or if you have a matchy-matchy partner like mine.  Did you know that pro-cycling teams release a new kit every season for their fans?  Did you know that there are special gloves for all the different seasons?  That arms and knees have their own warmers?  That each cycling discipline requires a new set of gear?  Did you know that a person will quite willingly spend more on a jersey because it matches with their shorts?  That debating between white or black shoes will take half of an actual hour?  That water bottles can coordinate with bikes and cyclists can then coordinate with their bikes and water bottles?

We live in exciting times, folks.

There are no rain delays in cycling!  Pro-tip: this does NOT go in the dryer.

6.  Tools, tools everywhere.  No, not referring to the bad drivers out there (see #8).  As a reaction to your visible nausea at the recent bill from the favored bike shop, tools will begin to arrive in the mail.  (It's Amazon Prime, babe, the shipping is free!)  The cyclist will begin to attempt basic bike maintenance tasks like swapping out chains and bar tape, and then, bolstered by early success and YouTube videos, launch into an amateur career as a bike mechanic with varying degrees of success.

7.  Data overload.  Your love, who may or may not have despised math class in school, has now morphed into a sporty mathematician.  They will keep metrics for things like mileage, grade, elevation, calories, temperature, moving time, average heart rate, and watts.  They will compare it to other rides and other years to monitor fitness and progress.  They will compete with virtual partners.  They will compete with results from actual friends.  They will share this data with other sporty mathematicians on enabler websites like Strava.  They WILL share these numbers with you.  Each and every time.

"Why, yes, I'd love to hear your numbers."

8.  The most-feared event.  This one is especially for the road cyclists.  Cars.  The foolish drivers who ignore laws or have no idea what cyclists are allowed to do such as taking the lane if at speed or sitting in the left turn lane waiting to make a *gasp* left turn.  Sometimes a savvy cyclist can avoid accidents by anticipating bad drivers.  Sometimes, as in the case of my husband, the driver simply pulls out into the road, without looking, when you are descending a hill.

What was left of the mighty Madone.  This was a very bad day.

There's not much I can suggest that will make this worry go away for you.  Get involved in opportunities for public education.  Pray.  In every thing we do, there is risk.  The riskiest thing to me, is to live a life so small that you never get to be brave.  To grow.

Gratuitous motivation

Gratuitous motivation

9.  The mess!  I suppose it varies depending where you live and what type of cycling your partner does, but in my house there is a lot of dirt and mud.  We have four intense seasons around here and the bike(s) see them all.  Remember that thing about no rain delays?  Well the results of such athletic badassery are pretty filthy, especially with no garage.  Bring that muddy bicycle right into the kitchen, why not?  Mmhm, you'll wash it after you eat something.  Get a good broom and a sense of humor.

Can you guess the original color?

Worth it.

Shiny!  Now, about the kitchen floor...

10.  You will be recruited.  Don't think you are going to get away so easily!  Even if the last time you were on a bike was in sixth grade, and haven't thought about it since, you'll get many gentle nudges to get back in the saddle.  After all, it's riding a bike.  You never forget.  (Probably)

So there it is, my list of ten things to know before dating a cyclist.  Did I miss anything?

What would your list look like?